When Mom has breast cancer

Cancer affects thousands of Canadian families every year. But when it’s your family, you may feel like you’re all alone.

If your mom has breast cancer, it’s natural for you to feel frightened, anxious, guilty, lonely, resentful or even angry. It may even seem like your family is falling apart.

The most important thing to remember is that there are thousands and thousands of people who have had breast cancer and are now living full, joyful lives.

If you’re in this situation – if your mom or someone else close to you has breast cancer – it may help you to know how others have made it through such a difficult time. Here are some insights from Beryl Tsang, a Breast Cancer Warrior Mom.

Remember that you’re not alone. Right now, it may seem like no one else feels the way you do. Although nobody’s you, it might help to know that many teens have a parent who has cancer.

“Peer-to-peer communications, like online chat features, can help give kids the support they need,” notes Beryl.

Talking to others may help you sort out your own feelings. Many hospitals have counselling groups for families. Or you can turn to organizations such as Willow or Wellspring. Both are support networks for cancer patients and the people who care about them.

Learn everything you can. Knowledge is power, so get as much information as you can about breast cancer – from the hospital where your mom is being treated or another reliable source, such as the Canadian Cancer Society or Health Canada.

Call in the troops. Your mom may not be available in the same ways she used to be, so try finding other caring adults to fill in. Maybe a neighbour can drive you to practice or a favourite relative can come to your school play.

“Keeping family structure is important. But that can mean negotiations,” recalls Beryl. “I couldn’t be available for all my children’s practices, but we could still have family Friday night movies.”

Write down your feelings. “Girls need to get their feelings out,” insists Beryl. “I encourage journalling.”

Keeping your feelings bottled up inside isn’t going to help anyone. You can create a private blog, or just pick up a pen and write.

Talk to your mom. Your mom may be sick, but she’s still your mom. If you have questions, ask her. But be sensitive to the fact there may be days when she won’t be feeling great.

“When you’re in treatment, there are days when you just don’t feel like talking,” recalls Beryl. “So ask your mom first if it’s a good time to talk.”

Remember, too, that your mom may be extremely sensitive to certain things if she’s going through treatment. Little things, like the smell of perfume or certain foods, may make her feel sick. You may need to cut her some slack.

Be positive. If you’re feeling stressed-out or angry, try to channel your emotions in positive ways. Get physical – go for a run or take up kickboxing.

“For me, it was yoga,” says Beryl. “Yoga helped me deal with the cancer and everything that was going on.”

Start your own cancer prevention life plan. How you eat, exercise and manage stress can affect your risk level for getting cancer. You can start your very own prevention plan now by making the most positive choices – like eating a healthy diet and exercising. You’ll find great cancer prevention resources and tips on this website.

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